It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
