i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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