You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
