Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize