I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
