Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
