i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
