planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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