you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Randomize
