Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
