Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize