i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
