Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
