I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
