my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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