Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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