batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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