She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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