Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
