But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
