i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
