i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
