Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
