So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
