Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
