And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
