Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
