So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
