i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
