the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
