I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
