Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
