ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
