Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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