Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
