so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
