I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
