So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
