Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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