I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
