I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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