I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
