Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
