Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
