So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
