did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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