I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
