hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
