he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
