Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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