Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Floor bacon is actually really good
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
