I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
