The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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