Your tits are I can't wait for
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
