gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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