Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
