When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
