dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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