im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
