Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
