i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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