But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
