Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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