my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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