my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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