Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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