her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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