My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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