i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
